Day Tweleve: " Developing Your Friendship with God"

Key Points:
You are only as close to God as you choose to be.
You much chose to be honest with God.
You must choose to obey God in faith.
You must choose to value what God values, the more you become God's friend, the more you will care about the things he cares about.
You must desire friendship with God more than anything else

Verse "I pour out my complaints before him and tell him my troubles. For I am overwhelmed." Psalm 142:2-3a
"Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you" James 4:8a

So I have come to accept that I probably won't be going to bed before midnight anytime in the near future. But I do enjoy getting to do this as the last thing I do before I go to bed. This is a bit off topic but the message tonight as Wesley really spoke to me. The message was about the holy spirit and how we need it in our lives. We spend so much time asking for things we think we need, an internship boyfriend job money etc but what we really need is to be filled with the holy spirit. So...thats what I'm praying for...to be overcome with the holy spirit and the presence of God in my life. I want to feel connected, I would like for this to be so much for than a ritual. I observe others worshiping and I just don't feel like I am having the same connection or experience as they are. Am I missing something? Why don't I feel as close to God as the others? I think I'm ashamed. I'm not sure that I feel worthy enough to praise God. I kinda get to start over with the folks as Wesley and Athens Church because they don't know my past, but God does. I know he loves me anyway but I suppose I just need help rebuilding my relationship with him. I want to fall in love with Jesus. In relation to the reading the passage about how you are only as close to Goad as you choose to be really spoke to me and makes complete since. Over the past four years I have not been seeking a relationship and in turn have not had one. But now that I am trying I do feel God in my life...but just not in the that I think I should. I'm still figuring this whole thing out...but just like it takes lots of studying to learn class material or lots of practice to develop a skill..this too will come in time. I'm working on being honest with God. This reading made a lot of sense. I do need to be straight forward with God about what I'm feeling. Today I am feeling a bit anxious and a little lonely. I'm anxious about several things. 1. I am worried about my relationship with a certain someone. I am afraid that the feelings I have and the type of relationship I want as not in line with his thinking. I am also afraid to bring it up with him. 2. I am anxious about my summer plans and my plans post graduation. Both as so uncertain and uncertainty scares me. 3. I am anxious about my relationship with the Lord...I'm just not sure I'm doing this right. How do I know he hears my prayers? How do I deepen my relationship with him? How can I please him? How can I make sure we communicate? Am I worthy? Does he still love me? yes..I do know all the answers to these questions in theory but I need the answers to revel themselves in practice. I'm also feeling a bit lonely. I am longing for two different types of intimidate relationships. I want a close and personal realtionship with God and I also want to develop relationships with Christ centered people here in Athens. Basically I just want to feel loved and to be taken care of. I kid myself and say that I'm "low maintaince" and don't require much attention but really I think I say that because I am so use to not getting any. I long to be loved and admired and cared for both by God and by people. Honestly right now I just need a hug...personal contact and comfort. I need someone to lean on here on earth and in heaven. I'm praying god will revel this person to me and open himself up to be my rock. I'm comfortable with the choices I'm making in my life but they scare me to tears...